He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
nutella sex= disaster
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
