There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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