I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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