I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
BRING THE BAGELS
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
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