i already hear my dad disowning me
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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