Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
