my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
