the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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