actually, I'm a sock model
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
