He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
My pussy is not your playground.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
