Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
