these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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