so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
So vagazzling was a success
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
