i think i have herpe
just one?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
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He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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