glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
