He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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