I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
