she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
