She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
