did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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