I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
