Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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