Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize