she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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