i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
