Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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