i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
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