Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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