i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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