I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
