I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
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