I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
