So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
