I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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