it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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