I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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