I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
