I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
