just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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