you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
