I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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