marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm always down for nudity.
God, I missed his penis.
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