Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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