he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
