so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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