Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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