Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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