I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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