it was like his penis was on wheels.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
