I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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