are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
