im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
It was confusing and full of hummus
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
