Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
