Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
