I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize