I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
