I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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