she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
We don't watch enough power rangers
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
