who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
