Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
