the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
