Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
