i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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