I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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