I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
